All The Perfumes Of Arabia
by InsaneMelon
Summary: HIATUS Rodney is suddenly sleepwalking and causing havoc without even realizing it. His friends decide to help but maybe their unconventional methods will only make it worse... / Team-fic with lots of friendship, humor, H/C and a tiny bit of Rodney-wum
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:** I Own Nothing_

_**A/N:** This is one of those ideas that won't leave you alone, that's invading your thoughts while you should study and causes you nightmares when you don't write it as soon as possible. I don't know how long this is going to be but it will be more than five chapters for sure. It's a team/friendship-fic with focus on Rodney (naturally). _

_The title refers to the sleepwalking-scene from Macbeth "All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand." I might change the title later on if I find a better one but for now I'm sticking with this._

_This chapter was beta'd by the wonderful **everg8er23**! Thank you for your suggestions and corrections. They are much appreciated. All remaining mistakes are my own._

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**All The Perfumes Of Arabia**

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Chapter 01

Colonel John Sheppard strolled into the main lab of Atlantis as if he owned the place but none of the scientists present paid him much attention. They had gotten quite accustomed to John's daily visits by then, and would have been more surprised if the man _hadn't_ stopped by to fetch his friend for lunch.

Sheppard searched the room until he found who he was looking for, but he couldn't help but frown at the sight that greeted him.

Rodney McKay looked awful. The man was currently hunched over a table and searching through the drawers, but even that simple task seemed to exhaust him a great deal, since he was sweating profusely. Blue eyes weren't so blue anymore but a dull grey, and the skin around his eyes was pale and tight with pain and exhaustion. McKay's clothes were rumpled and Sheppard was pretty sure that he was wearing the same ones as yesterday.

John thought that his friend looked like he did when they faced certain doom and he had to work 24/7 to save them all. That was pretty worrying by itself, considering that they'd just had the calmest two months since coming to the Pegasus Galaxy.

Rodney rummaged in various drawers, cursing and muttering under his breath, his movements jerky and uncoordinated. When he didn't find what he was looking for he slammed the drawers shut with more force than necessary and straightened up. He ran a hand through his hair and looked back and forth almost frantically before moving on to another table and repeating the whole procedure.

John though that Rodney seemed desperate. Like Rodney didn't really know what he was looking for, or rather, _why _he was looking for it. It reminded Sheppard of the one time that he'd been forced to give the Canadian a shot from his EpiPen. It had been one of their first off-world missions and nobody had spared a thought about Rodney's allergy, not even the scientist himself. They had been too excited and, although John would never admit it, still a little bit wet behind the ears when it came to off-world missions and locals that offered you unknown food.

They had never made that mistake ever again and Rodney was now more than cautious around alien food. John sometimes teased his friend about his excessive paranoia, but he was actually quite relieved, since he didn't think that his heart could take another of Rodney's allergic reactions. Witnessing how Rodney was fighting for every single breath of air and slowly loosing the fight wasn't something John or the others wanted to see ever again.

But the attack itself hadn't been half as bad as the minutes after he'd administered the epinephrine. Rodney had shaken like a leaf and the normally articulate man had had trouble speaking for a few minutes. John had felt his pulse and had been appalled by how rapid it was.

"Adrenaline rush." Rodney had explained later that day. "I probably should be thankful that I didn't die of tachycardia."

Needless to say, the team had teased him a lot less about his citrus allergy after that particular incident.

John knew that Rodney wasn't suffering from an adrenaline rush right now, but maybe too much caffeine? God knew that the man practically inhaled the black stuff... Sheppard watched Rodney for a few minutes, wondering how he could convince the man to share his problem with them.

Dealing with Rodney's behaviour for last few days had been like running the gauntlet for Sheppard and his team. The man had been in a bad mood all week and it just didn't seem to get better. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse with each passing day and it was beginning to unnerve his friends greatly. Rodney had never been a placid man and his friends knew how to deal with his little episodes, but lately he had become unpredictable, even to his friends. Even little, innocent comments seemed to irritate him a great deal and nobody knew what would set him off next.

Teyla had been the first one to openly express her concerns about Rodney's recent behaviour, and to point out that the man seemed to be under a lot of stress as of late. She had been very adamant about helping their friend and had pestered the two men until Ronon had finally, albeit grudgingly, agreed that it would be better to get to the bottom of this, sooner rather than later.

Both aliens had immediately decided that only John could be the one to talk to Rodney since he was the only one who was _really _able to handle the difficult man. John had moaned and whined and even tried to convince them to toss a coin, but in the end just accepted his fate when his two teammates wouldn't budge.

It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with Rodney or talking to the man. There where times when he sought him out to do just that. But he was terrible with this whole 'Let's talk about feelings' thing. And if Rodney's problems were only half as bad as they thought they were... well, a talk about feelings seemed inevitable if that was the case.

What if Rodney was homesick or, _God forbid,_ unhappily in love?

John and Rodney talked about a lot - best buddy's and all that - but they never talked about... _that_. Maybe it was because they were both more the secretive types when it came to personal things, but maybe it was because they were both guys. And guys didn't talk about...well _that_!

Whatever the reason, they mostly talked (or rather argued) about sports, movies, their female colleagues and sometimes, when they were drunk and just escaped certain death (yet again), they talked about the things they missed about earth.

But manly talks about feelings? Nope, not so much.

And yet here he was, watching his best friend storm through the lab like a hurricane (the nasty kind, the one that snatches your cow away when you're not looking) and tried to figure out how he could ask Rodney how he felt without sounding like a complete idiot.

He eventually decided to go for the casual approach and slouched against a console. "Hey Rodney." he drawled, an easy smirk on his face. "What'cha doing?"

The smirk almost dropped from his lips when Rodney turned around to stare at him. The glare the scientist shot him was a lot more menacing than usual.

"Not now Colonel." he hissed trough gritted teeth before returning to his quest for... whatever it was he was looking for.

_'Okay._' John thought. _'This isn't going too well.'_

He'd apparently chosen a pretty bad moment to start his little interrogation (if there'd ever been a good one) and would have loved to just go and try again another time, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Ronon and Teyla were waiting in the mess hall and expecting some answers, especially the Athosian. John sighed heavily. You just didn't mess with a worried Teyla. That was like trying to take a Wraith down with your bare hands.

Well, Ronon could probably do it. But then again, Ronon was Ronon.

The Colonel took a step towards his distraught friend and was about to try it again, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him cold. He turned around and came face to face with a small scientist with reddish hair and brown eyes. She looked vaguely familiar but her name eluded him.

"I would stay clear of Dr. McKay if I were you sir." she whispered, casting nervous side glances at her superior. "He's in an exceptionally bad mood today."

"That I see." John muttered but he couldn't quite help the little smile that crossed his lips when a young scientist had been unfortunate enough to cross Rodney's path and was scared away by a mere animalistic growl that escaped McKay's throat.

The Canadian could be quite intimidating when he wanted to be...

"What is he searching for anyway?" John asked puzzled when Rodney practically crawled under a table.

"He's searching for a device that a team found in one of the abandoned labs. He'd left it on his desk when he went to bed but it was gone this morning. Dr. McKay wanted to examine it a little more closely today, but now that it's gone..." she trailed off and shrugged. They both knew how the man was when someone or something interfered with his work schedule.

John's eyes narrowed into slits when he'd finally processed what she was saying. "Wait. Are you trying to tell me that we have a thief in Atlantis?"

"What?" she squeaked and fiddled with the hem of her lab coat. Sheppard thought that she looked like a woman who had said more than she wanted to. "Nonono Colonel! It's nothing like that. It'll turn up again. Pretty soon actually."

"How do you know?"

"W-Well you know... This isn't the first time something like this happened. For a week now, every morning, certain devices or even tools would go missing. They just seem to disappear over night, only to be found somewhere else entirely. Yesterday we found a scanner Dr. McKay had been working on stuffed into an unused panel." She sighed wearily and ran a hand through her short hair and John noticed for the first time how tired she looked. "Dr. McKay is convinced that someone is trying to pull a prank on him because it's mostly his stuff that disappears. He's been yelling at us every morning since this has started and he's making us all work extra hours until the culprit turns himself in. But everyone claims to be innocent and Dr. McKay's mood gets more and more unbearable. We're all walking on eggshells around him and it's getting pretty tiresome."

John just nodded, his eyes never leaving Rodney's frenzied form. He felt oddly miffed and maybe even a little bit disappointed that his friend hadn't come to him with this problem. They were friends, weren't they? And Ronon and Teyla as well.

The Satedan would have hunted this prankster down like some wild animal and Teyla would have spent the next few days in the lab, just sitting there and watching the scientists with her calm, yet clearly accusing eyes, waiting until the person that was making Rodney's life difficult cracked under the constant pressure.

And John too would have made sure that this person got what was coming to him or her.

So why hadn't Rodney told them about this? They had a right to know if someone was bullying him, didn't they?!

Sheppard curtly thanked the woman for her help and approached the still fuming scientist with long and confident strides. He unceremoniously grabbed his arm and dragged Rodney towards the doors, all the while smiling sweetly at the staring scientists as if this was a perfectly normal occurrence. And in some ways it really was...

"Sheppard." Rodney spluttered while he tried to wrench his arm out of Sheppard's grip. "What are you doing?"

John pulled the resisting man through the door and approached the nearest transporter. "We had a date for lunch, remember? Ronon and Teyla are already waiting for us in the mess hall."

"I remember." Rodney huffed. "But I'm sure you didn't fail to notice that I was pretty busy before you practically kidnapped me. What's with that anyway? My arm could have been dislocated you know. And I bruise easily so if you could-" He waved his free hand towards John's and the Colonel stopped and loosened his grip, but didn't let go.

"Why didn't you tell me about those incidents?"

Rodney looked confused for a second before his face darkened. For once he, thankfully, didn't feign ignorance and came straight to the point.

"Why should I?" he snapped. "I'm perfectly capable of handling this myself. And it's none of your business anyway!"

"Of course it is, McKay. I'm the Head of Security. I need to know about such things first-hand."

Rodney puffed his chest, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "And I'm the head of the science department and since this _is_ a matter of the science department it is solely _my_ responsibility. Or do you think that I'm not able to handle some dumb trouble makers?! 'Cause I have to tell you that I've done that ever since high school so I'm quite experienced, thank you very much."

Any other time Sheppard would have appreciated the brief glimpse into Rodney's childhood, since the man wasn't very forthcoming when it came to that kind of information. But right now he was too preoccupied with the hidden bitterness in his voice and what it told him about Rodney's real reasons for keeping this a secret from his friends.

The man was embarrassed. He was embarrassed because someone was taunting him in front of his colleagues and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it. He'd said it himself; he was the head of the science department. It had to sting that no disciplinary action seemed to work. Rodney probably thought that others would see that as some kind of failure on his part, that he couldn't keep his underlings in check. And everyone knew what Rodney thought about failures.

"I know that you can handle this buddy." Sheppard said in a placating voice. "I just want to help, that's all."

Rodney stared at him for a long time until his stony expression finally softened a little bit. "Yeah, well thank you, but I'll be okay on my own." He was finally able to free his arm and walked back towards the labs. "Tell Ronon and Teyla that I'm sorry, but I'm really busy right now. I'll meet you guys tomorrow for breakfast, okay?!"

"Sure." John called back, feeling strangely lost. Now that he knew what the problem was and that he was actually able to do something about it without much talking he felt sorry that Rodney still wouldn't accept his help.

A mischievous smile tugged at his lips.

But there was no reason why he couldn't take a little midnight walk through Atlantis tonight. And if he just so happened to pass the labs and see someone who shouldn't be there... well, Rodney could hardly blame him for a coincidence like that, could he?

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Sheppard yawned loudly and rubbed the back of his neck as he walked through the darkened corridors of his beloved city. He had fallen asleep despite his plan to stay awake. The only reason why he wasn't still sleeping was the window he'd opened before lying down to read the first chapter of 'War and Piece'... Again. The nights on this planet could be freezing and so he'd been woken up by the clattering of his own teeth and an unnaturally cold room.

A hot shower and some warm clothes later he was on his way to the main lab, still drowsy with sleep. It was way past midnight and Atlantis' hallways were deserted and ominously dark.

The silence usually didn't bother John too much. He loved this city, no matter how eerie she appeared at night or how many dangers she still harbored for her new inhabitants. But tonight he felt queasy and almost uncomfortable. He was on edge and the feeling was only reinforced when he neared the main lab and saw that it was brightly lit.

He swallowed hard, not understanding why he was suddenly so nervous, and edged forward until his back was pressed against the wall beside the open door.

For a few minutes he did nothing more than listen. Someone was obviously moving in there and John was pretty sure that it was only one person. This person, however, seemed to be pretty light-footed because Sheppard could barely hear any footsteps.

_'Maybe it's a woman'_ he thought and couldn't contain his curiosity any longer. The Colonel took another deep breath and finally peeked around the corner.

He needed a few seconds to understand what he was seeing, but when he did, he couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him. John actually didn't know if he should be relieved or exasperated.

Rodney was standing in the middle of the lab with his back to John, completely oblivious to his sudden audience. He was barefooted and wore nothing but sweats and a baggy t-shirt. His get-up didn't surprise John, though. Rodney would often wake up in the middle of the night with some kind of idea and just rush to his lab to work on it without bothering to change clothes. Those nights usually ended with Zelenka shaking him awake the next day where he'd found the man slumped over his desk and Rodney whining about his stiff neck all morning.

_'Although'_, John admitted when his eyes once again landed on Rodney's bare feet, _'he usually puts on some shoes...'_

"Geez Rodney." he chuckled softly. "You really need to stop doing that. Some day someone will mistake you for a ghost or something."

At first the only indication that Rodney had heard him was a slight tilt of his head. John was beginning to think that the man was still mad at him for earlier and was ignoring him, until he finally received a small "Hi John".

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up, not so much because the scientist had used his first name (which he only did when one of them was dying) but because the voice that had answered him hadn't sounded like Rodney at all.

It had been even and soft and meek and...well, everything that Rodney _wasn't_. And he'd sounded way too...distracted, like he wasn't even fully aware of his own words and actions.

For the first time since he'd entered the lab, John took a moment to _really_ observe Rodney. He noticed that his arms were full of equipment, for example a LSD, and different tools. But what surprised John the most were his next actions. The scientist approached Zelenka's table, crouched down, opened the bottom drawer and dumped everything he'd carried into it.

John warily approached the crouching man. Rodney's steps had been too slow and almost overcautious as he made his way through the lab. The whole situation and Rodney's silence were beginning to unnerve him.

"What are you doing Rodney?"

And he really didn't know why he was still whispering.

Rodney's movements stilled for a second, but he once again needed agonizingly long to form an answer. "'m hidin' stuff."

Why was Rodney mumbling so badly? John almost didn't understand him and the man always made sure that everyone understood what he was saying, whether they wanted to or not.

Sheppard had reached his friend by then and got his first good look at his face and what he saw made his eyes widen with shock. Not only did Rodney seem to purposefully avoid his eyes, but they were glassy and hooded, like he wasn't really seeing anything at all. His face was oddly slack and it almost looked like he was still-

"Rodney." John muttered, still not quite believing what he was seeing. "Are you sleepwalking?"

His friend didn't answer but got to his feet and walked back to his desk to collect more _stuff_'.

John merely watched him for a few minutes and felt at a loss. Should he call Carson? But then again; what could the man do that John couldn't do himself? He knew that you weren't supposed to wake someone who was sleepwalking but gently steer the person back to bed. He could do that, right?

John couldn't help but chuckle as he watched how Rodney emptied another armload of devices into Miko's desk. So it had been Rodney himself who'd made his own life miserable without even realizing it. And he'd accused his innocent co-workers of his own crimes. It_ was_ kind of funny...

"Okay buddy." Sheppard said in his most soothing voice and placed a hand on Rodney's back. "Let's get you back to bed, hm?!"

Rodney didn't move at first but soon abandoned his task to let John gently steer him away from the table.

"'Kay."

John had to admit that the ghost-like voice and the long delay of his answers were starting to freak him out. He tried to speed things up a little bit as soon as they were back in the hallway, but Rodney suddenly began to stumble, so John slowed down again. He found it curious that McKay seemed pretty okay in his own lab but had trouble walking as soon as he left it.

The trek to Rodney's quarters couldn't have taken more than five minutes but to John it felt more like five hours. Rodney would constantly just stop walking and stare at something to his right or left (never at John though), muttering under his breath words that John couldn't make out but sounded suspiciously like equations. He had to use more and more force to get Rodney to move again and John found it harder and harder to remain calm and speak in a non-threatening manner.

It was a relief when they finally reached Rodney's quarters. The scientist fell asleep (well more than he already was) as soon as his head hit the pillow. John was about to leave when he decided that that wasn't such a good idea after all. What if Rodney decided to take another walk? He'd better stay the night and keep an eye on his friend.

He plopped into the only chair and tried to get as comfortable as possible. He would have to talk to Carson first thing tomorrow. And Elizabeth and the rest of his team since he'd already told them about the situation in the labs. Rodney wouldn't like that of course, but John knew that it had to be done and that the man would probably need all the help he could get with this pesky little problem. A smirk touched his lips and he had to suppress the evil laughter that threatened to rise to the surface.

Well, this could prove to be fun after all...

TBC

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A/N: So? Worth continuing? Well I'm gonna do it anyway. Remember? Nightmares and all that? But it would be nice to know what you think. :)

I've got my input about sleepwalking from the internet and I'll explain some things the next chapter, with Carsons help of course! Next chapter could take a little while but I'm trying to get it up as soon as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. Just playing with them

**Thank you all for your awesome feedback! Your reviews made my day(s)!**

**A/N**: Okay I can honestly say that I've never needed this long to update a story. I'm really sorry. But my NCIS story is practically finished so 'Perfumes' will now be my number one priority and updates should occur more quickly.

This chapter contains much info on sleepwalking! I took most from wikipedia but also from another site that I found pretty informative! I've posted the link on my profile if you're interested!

This chapter was once again beta'd by **everg8er23**! Thanks for your suggestions and corrections! All remaining mistakes are my own.

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All The Perfumes Of Arabia

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Chapter 02

Consciousness came slowly and the first things Rodney became aware of were the soft sheet beneath him and the familiar scent of old coffee - both sure signs that he'd slept in his own bed.

And that really shouldn't surprise him as much as it did.

The past few days had been extremely difficult for the Canadian, more than once that he had woken in his office or slumped over his desk, instead of in his actual bed. While that wasn't something unusual for him, it worried him that he couldn't remember falling asleep in his office or while working at his desk. Sometimes he'd be absolutely sure that he'd gone to bed that night and just couldn't fathom why he was suddenly waking up somewhere else entirely. He'd considered going to Carson, but even Rodney, Atlantis' (probably Canada's) biggest hypochondriac, knew that his weird sleeping habits were no reason to run to a doctor.

He was just a little bit stressed, that was all there was to it.

And who could blame him? Every morning he had to discover that the things he'd worked on the day before were gone, sometimes only hidden under the table, sometimes in another room altogether. And worse, no one would admit to having done it.

Anyone would develop some odd sleeping habits under these circumstances, right?

The scientists were already speculating about a ghost, some kind of phantom that wandered through the empty corridors of Atlantis and stole their equipment because it wanted them gone.

Rodney shivered and pulled the blanket even closer, his eyes still tightly shut. _'Ghosts... As if we don't have enough problems as it is...'_

And worst of all, Sheppard had gotten scent of it and he'd probably already told Ronon and Teyla, so the three of them wouldn't leave him alone until the situation was resolved.

Their concern and protectiveness was nice and made him feel all warm inside, but right now he wished that they would just leave him alone. It was bad enough that he wasn't able to handle this himself. He didn't want his colleagues to think that he couldn't keep his underlings in check without help from his friends. That would be embarrassing on so many levels.

The scientist groaned and buried his head into his pillows. He wouldn't be able to get rid of Sheppard and the others now...

"Rise and shine, McKay."

Oh great. Now he was hearing the man in his head as well. Was there really no end to his misery?

"I know you are awake. Get up, we have things to do."

Something poked him in the ribs and Rodney jolted upright with a start and a high-pitched scream.

Rodney McKay had never liked surprises and this one was no exception.

John Sheppard sat in a chair to Rodney's right, looking smug and altogether much too pleased with himself. His feet rested on Rodney's bed, near his ribs, and as the scientist made to shove them off, Sheppard moved them of his own accord. His eyes searched the room until they fell on the wall with his diplomas. So he _was_ in his own room after all, but why was the Colonel here?

Did they have a movie night?

It wasn't that uncommon that the others would just stay for the night because they were too lazy and tired to go back to their own quarters. Rodney usually called dibs on the bed, but never got it because neither Ronon nor John would allow Teyla to sleep on the floor. Something that Rodney found incredibly stupid, since they all had to sleep on the floor in their tents when they were off world and the Athosian never seemed to mind it then. Rodney was mostly pretty fond of those sleepovers since he'd never experienced anything like that in his childhood, but the floor was hell on his back and the next morning he would always vow that the would never do something like that again.

He hadn't been able to keep his promise until now.

But although Rodney's thoughts were still foggy with sleep, he didn't fail to notice that _he_ was the one lying in the bed and that neither Ronon nor Teyla were anywhere to be seen.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, maybe a bit harsher than he'd intended to.

Sheppard leaned forward and leered at Rodney. "You don't remember?"

Rodney couldn't help but snort. "Please. In your dreams Sheppard."

John leaned back again and watched how Rodney climbed out of his bed and approached the cupboard. "Don't worry, buddy. Not even there."

The Canadian glared over his shoulder, but decided to ignore the last comment. He certainly didn't want to go there.

"Sooo," he drawled while he rummaged through his closet. "Is there actually a reason why I have to endure your high school humor or were you just bored and decided that it would be fun to watch me sleep." He scrunched up his nose. "If it's the latter, I would strongly advise some extra sessions with Heightmeyer, because-"

"You really don't remember do you?"

Rodney couldn't stand it when people interrupted him (although he did so all the time) but something about Sheppard's voice made him pause and turn around to look at his friend.

The man stared at him with such intensity that it made his skin crawl. He looked dead serious and a serious John Sheppard was never a good thing.

Rodney thought hard and tried to remember (whatever it was he was supposed to remember) and, indeed, something seemed to tug at his memory but the feeling was gone as fast as it had come, leaving Rodney clueless and a little bit anxious.

"Remember what?"

Sheppard stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before he broke into a crooked smile. Rodney was, once more, amazed by how all tension seemed to leave the man in a matter of seconds as if it had never been there to begin with.

"That's a surprise." He rose from the chair and approached the door. "Put on some clothes and meet me in the conference room in, let's say, an hour."

"W-What?" Rodney called after him, totally taken by surprise by the abrupt change of topic. "But we don't have any briefings scheduled for today."

Sheppard didn't even look back, just raised his hand while he disappeared through the door.

"We do now."

Rodney stared at the door, long after John had left. He wanted to follow the man and tell him that he had no time for spontaneous meetings and that he had a lot of work to do. But somehow he didn't think that he should miss this meeting.

Or that Sheppard would let him, for that matter.

He just hoped that Sheppard wasn't pulling his chain. But even as he collected the few things he would need for a quick shower, Rodney knew that this was not one of John's jokes.

And that he probably wouldn't like what he was going to hear.

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Rodney was late when he reached the conference room, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now. His worry and apprehension had completely vanished over the past hour and he had almost forgotten about this stupid appointment. He was currently literally shaking with rage and irritation.

Even more devices and tools than ever before had been missing and he had been forced to order everyone to help him search for them. It had taken them annoyingly long to find everything - in the desks of Miko Kusanagi and Radek Zelenka.

While the Czech had looked honestly confused and shrugged it off, Miko had started to cry, swearing over and over again that she didn't know how the stuff had ended up in her desk. It had taken Rodney over half and hour to convince her that he believed her.

Because, seriously - Miko? The woman didn't even borrow something from you without filling in some kind of form and sending it to Rodney to get his permission and signature.

And Radek was way too intelligent (although Rodney would never admit that) to hide the stolen goods in his own desk. Now, Kavanaugh might have done something like that, but his desk was clean...

By the time Miko had calmed down enough to go back to work, the hour had been up and Sheppard had already radioed him a few times, telling him that he was still waiting.

And not just the Colonel, Rodney realized now that he entered the conference room.

Other than John he could also see Ronon and Teyla on one side of the table, and Carson on the other. Elizabeth was sitting at the head like always and greeted him with an amused, yet exaggerated smile.

"Nice of you to join us after all, Dr. McKay. Whatever this is..." she added under her breath with a side glance at Sheppard.

"Yeah well, some of us have actual work to do. Saving the galaxy is harder than it looks, you know?!" Rodney huffed while he took his seat beside John. No way in hell would he admit that he'd spent the last half an hour trying to comfort a hysterical woman. The others would never let him live it down.

He nodded towards Teyla who nodded back with a smile. Her hair was done in a ponytail, something that he found suited her very well. He had once told her so and immediately regretted it because he thought she would tell him to mind his own business and never wear it like that again. But she had done nothing of the sort. Just smiled at him and thanked him. From that moment on she'd put her hair in a ponytail more often than not, and the sight always made him smile, although even Rodney wasn't arrogant enough to think that it had something to do with his comment.

He also greeted Ronon with a little nod. The Satedan didn't seem to move but Rodney didn't miss the almost unnoticeable movement of his dreadlocks. The first few weeks after Ronon's arrival, Rodney _hadn't_ noticed it. He'd thought that the big man was not only scary but also impolite.

He would have stopped greeting him if the man hadn't been part of his team... and able to squash him if he wanted to.

But after a while he had been able to read Ronon a little bit better and he'd realized that the man had responded to his greetings all the time, just not as obvious as the others. Suddenly Rodney had been relieved that he hadn't stopped being civil to him and he was now, years later, more or less embarrassed that he'd ever been afraid of the man he now considered a friend. Ronon was still scary, but mostly in the presence of their enemies and that was just fine with Rodney.

The scientist tried to appear as indifferent as he could but Carson's presence worried him a bit. Why was the doctor here? Carson rarely attended any briefings if they didn't need his medical input. Was someone sick?

_'Oh my god!'_ Rodney thought panic stricken. _'Am I sick? But no, wait. Wouldn't I be the first one to know if there was something wrong with me?'_

"So John," Elizabeth drawled, twirling her pen between her fingers, something she only did when she was excited. "Mind telling us why we are here?"

"And how long this is going to take?" Carson piped up. "I 'ave patients to see to."

"Don't worry. This won't take long." John shot Rodney a quick, apologetic look before he turned his attention back to the others. "I know who is messing with the equipment in the labs."

Rodney was disgusted when no one showed any sign of surprise or confusion at the revelation that someone had tampered with the scientific equipment. He glared daggers at his supposedly best friend.

"Tattletale!"

Sheppard looked miffed but didn't have the time to defend himself because Ronon was already leaning forwards, staring at him with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Really?"

Sheppard grinned at him and opened his arms in a placating manner. "Really. But you can't beat him up."

Teyla and Elizabeth looked disapproving of John's choice of words, while Ronon just looked vaguely disappointed. "Why not?"

"Yeah!" Rodney exclaimed. "Why not?"

It wasn't that he wanted anyone to encounter an angry Ronon (no one deserved that, except the Wraith) but this person had made his life a living hell these past few days and a light punishment a la Ronon couldn't hurt, could it?

The full power of Elizabeth's motherly _'You are a naughty child'_ look hit him and he actually flinched back. "Rodney! We are not going to-"

Whatever she wanted to say was cut off when Sheppard began to laugh hysterically, almost throwing himself out of his chair. Everyone watched him with wary eyes and Carson seemed about ready to jump up and run over to him before the Colonel finally calmed down and patted Rodney on the shoulder. He was still grinning like a madman but he was at least able to talk.

"Because, Rodney, you are still whining about the bruises you received the last time you sparred with Ronon."

For the life of him, Rodney couldn't make any sense of John's words and considering that he was a genius that was pretty alarming.

"Colonel, I know for a fact that, somewhere under that unruly hair of yours, there is an actual brain and although it is pretty small and not nearly as functional as mine, I'm pretty sure that you are able to form a complete sentence. So please, try again, because you are not making any sense and I don't have all day."

The grin never left John's face.

"It's _you_ Rodney. You are the one who is hiding the devices and tools during the night. It has been you all along."

Rodney could do nothing but gape at the man in front of him. Had the Colonel really just said that it had been Rodney himself who had hidden his stuff? That was crazy!

"That is crazy! Absolutely crazy! Is this some kind of joke? I hate to break it to you, but it's not funny!"

He didn't know why he was so freaked out about this. Probably because, if what Sheppard said was true (which it was not!) and he just couldn't remember doing those things, then it probably meant that he was finally losing it. All his life people had told him that he was working himself into an early grave. That he risked a burnout if he kept going like this. Was this what they had been talking about?

"Calm down Rodney." Elizabeth said. She sounded as confused as Rodney felt. "What does that mean John? How could Rodney do something like that and not remember it?"

"It's easy." John said and waited until everyone was looking at him. "Our Rodney McKay here is sleepwalking."

Rodney didn't notice how Elizabeth's pen clattered to the floor or how Carson immediately picked it up to write something down.

"S-Sleepwalking?" he spluttered. "You must be mistaken Colonel! I have never been sleepwalking in my entire life."

"Well sorry McKay." Sheppard didn't sound like he was sorry. "But I saw you with my own eyes. You were sleepwalking."

Rodney jumped from his seat and began to pace the length of the room. "But that's impossible. I would have noticed wouldn't I? I would have remembered..."

"No you wouldn't." Carson interrupted him and finally looked up from his notes. "People who suffer from sleepwalking never remember their actions."

"So the person is actually unconscious?" Elizabeth asked, clearly intrigued with the topic.

"No. Sleepwalkers aren't unconscious. They are simply not conscious of their sleepwalking on a level where they could recall it at a later time. That's why many don't even notice they are sleepwalking until someone else witnesses the whole thing."

Everyone's eyes widened at the information, except for Telya's and Ronon's. They shared confused glances before Teyla asked: "What is this sleepwalking you are talking about. We are not familiar with the term."

The Scottish doctor smiled, always glad that he could explain something medical to their alien friends. "Sleepwalking, or noctambulism, is by definition a sleep disorder where the sufferer engages in activities that are normally associated with wakefulness while he or she is asleep or in a sleep-like state. Put simply, sleepwalkers are people who are asleep but performing normal actions as if awake. Getting out of bed, walking around and sometimes even speaking, although the response time and the pronunciation are poor at best."

Teyla nodded, slightly confused, while Ronon narrowed his eyes, probably upset that he didn't get to beat someone up.

Carson turned to Sheppard. "Tell us exactly what happened."

John told them how he had found Rodney in his lab and everyone listened in rapt attention. Even Rodney bit his tongue every now and then so he wouldn't interrupt the Colonel with a sarcastic comment. He felt a morbid fascination while he listened to the things he had done during the night. Things he had blamed his underlings for. God he would need to _apologize_, wouldn't he? And he hated it to apologize! Maybe he could just act like it never happened? Grant everyone longer breaks, or something like that...

Some small part of him noted that _he_ was the ghost of Atlantis and that it would have been extremely embarrassing if someone else than John had found him. Now he understood why John had been in his quarters this morning and he was more than grateful that he had such a good friend.

That feeling quickly vanished when John concluded his story with a smug smile and the words, "Thank God, you don't sleep naked, huh?"

Carson intervened before the scientist could strangle his 'good friend'.

"I have to agree with Colonel Sheppard Rodney. Ye were definitely sleepwalking. All the symptoms are there; the glazed eyes, the slow reaction when spoken to, avoiding eye contact with others, unsteadiness on your feet..." He trailed off and turned towards Sheppard. "Ye did the right thing Colonel, although I must tell ye that there's no truth to the rumour that waking a sleepwalker is dangerous to the walker."

Sheppard seemed surprised. "It's not?"

"No." Carson shook his head. "But if ye do, ye have to stand clear. If ye wake a sleepwalker abruptly ye can startle him and may wind up with a black eye. It's usually better to guide them back to bed without waking them."

Rodney was about to ask something when Elizabeth beat him to it. "What are the reasons for sleepwalking?"

Carson chewed on his lip and looked down at his notes. "There are a few. Sleepwalking can be caused by simple stress or fatigue. But it also could be caused by reactions to drugs or medication and alcohol and medical conditions as partial complex seizures." He suddenly smiled at Rodney whose head was spinning from all the information. "But judging our Rodney and his working hours I'm sure it's mostly the stress or maybe some kind of psychological problem. I think we should call Kate."

Rodney glared at the physican. "I don't have psychological problems! There is no need to get Heightmeyer."

Sheppard sighed wearily and rubbed his face. "Relax Rodney. Dr. Heightmeyer is currently visiting earth. She won't be back until next week."

Rodney smirked. "Well good. It's not that I need her anyway..."

"What do we do now?" Ronon asked. He had been oddly silent through it all.

The room lapsed into silence which the scientist broke rather quick. "What do you mean? Can't we just sit this out? If it's stress, then I'll just... take...it easy...for a while..." he almost choked on the words, "and everything will be fine, right?"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy Rodney." Elizabeth answered. At everyone's surprised expressions she elaborated. "I can't send you off world like that. Imagine what trouble you could get into if you sleepwalk on another planet. I'm sorry but as long as your condition is an issue, SGA-1 will have to remain on Atlantis."

John's, Teyla's, and Ronon's faces fell simultaneously and Rodney felt like the scum of the earth. It wasn't fair that the others had to suffer because he had a c_ondition,_ as Elizabeth had put it. He was hampering them enough as it was and now he was keeping them from going on missions. Rodney shot a glance at Sheppard and the others who looked thoughtful. He wouldn't be surprised if they decided to kick him off the team for the time being.

John rose from his seat along with Teyla and Ronon. The three of them surrounded Rodney and Sheppard put a hand on his shoulder.

"Well, I guess we can't help it." Rodney's heart sank and he tried to brace himself for Sheppard's next words. "I guess we have to cure you then."

Rodney blinked and stared at his teammates. "What?"

Teyla smiled as if she knew what he'd been thinking. "If we can not go on missions until you are cured from your sleepwalking, we will have to help you overcome it."

Rodney felt like a dead weight had been lifted off his chest. He sure had great friends, didn't he?

Ronon gave him a slap on the back that send him stumbling. "Yeah McKay. I already have some ideas."

Teyla nodded her approval while Sheppard outright grinned. "And I have some as well." He saw how Rodney's face paled and slung an arm over his shoulder. "Oh come on McKay. It's gonna be fun."

Rodney McKay however, swallowed hard and wondered if getting kicked off the team wouldn't have been so bad after all...

TBC

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**A/N:** So, was it worth the wait? Oh and is there something you would like to see a sleepwalking Rodney do? Something that you always wanted to see him do? Well I'm open to suggestions and you know how to tell me your ideas... *does the happy-review-dance*


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them

**A/N**: So, here's the third chapter and the first attempt to cure Rodney. :) I want to thank all of you for your reviews. Loved every single one of them!

This chapter was beta'd by **everg8er23** ! Thanks for your fast and great work. All remaining mistakes are my own.

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**All The Perfumes Of Arabia**

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Chapter 03

Hours later, Sheppard, McKay and Teyla sat in the mess hall, ingesting a late dinner and trying to come up with a solution for the problem.

'_Trying'_ being the operative word.

"I am afraid I do not understand the problem Doctor. I think it would be a satisfying solution for the time being." Teyla tried again while Sheppard just rolled his eyes.

Sometimes, the Athosian was too stubborn for her own good, especially when it came to Rodney.

Said scientist glared at the woman in front of him in badly concealed contempt. "The problem is that, aside from the fact that a certain someone would never let me live it down," and here he looked at Sheppard who tried to appear as innocent as possible. "I like the little bit of privacy I still have and would like to keep it. Thank you very much."

Teyla wasn't known to loose her temper, but even John could see that she was slowly growing annoyed with the discussion, although she hid it a lot better than the scientist.

"We are just trying to help Rodney."

John could see how Rodney's anger deflated a little bit and he had the grace to look vaguely ashamed.

"I know Teyla." he said and rubbed his forehead. "And I appreciate it. Really, I do. But there will be a cold day in hell before I move in with one of you. End of discussion."

Teyla seemed to sense that she had lost and looked disappointed. John on the other hand just nodded.

Teyla's idea had certainly been one of the better ones they'd had so far, but he could understand why Rodney was so strictly against it. Once or twice a month, after a movie night mostly, was okay and sometimes even quite nice, but having to share your quarters with Rodney non-stop? Over weeks or maybe even months? John cringed just at the thought of it.

Best friends or not, Rodney as a permanent roommate was a truly frightening thought.

McKay fixed him with blazing eyes and Sheppard wondered if the scientist could actually read his mind or if his thoughts had been written all over his face.

Teyla took a sip from her tea and frowned at the tabletop. "But what else could we do to ensure that you do not leave your room at night?"

A long heavy silence met her question until a tray that was more or less thrown onto the table interrupted it with a bang, causing Rodney to literally jump out of his seat. "What the hell Conan! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Ronon merely shrugged, took the seat in front of his overfilled plate and began to dig into his food.

"What were you talking about?"

"We're just trying to come up with a plan to keep Rodney from walking around at night."

The Satedan never looked up when he said, "Just lock him into the brig. I'm sure that'll do."

Rodney turned a bright red. He almost burned his fingers with his own coffee when he slammed the cup down hard enough to make the liquid slop over the rim.

"What?" he screeched. "The brig? The same brig where we kept the Wraith? Are you serious? You can't lock me into the brig! It's cold down there and wet and there are rats and-"

"We don't have rats in Atlantis, Rodney." Sheppard interrupted him with a smirk on his lips. Trust McKay to confuse the brig of the technically most advanced city in the universe with some kind of dungeon. It was actually pretty comfortable down there. For a brig, that is.

"Whatever. Then it's some Atlantean equivalent of a rat, I don't care! You will not lock me up in the brig!"

Ronon didn't smile, but the amusement was obvious in his voice.

"Relax McKay. Just making fun of you."

Rodney huffed angrily. "Because making fun of the guy who saves us at least twice a week is such a good idea, is it?" He snatched a pudding from Ronon's tray and immediately shielded it with his body when the Satedan tried to take it back. "Emotional shocks make me hungry. I can already feel my blood sugar sinking."

Ronon halfheartedly growled at him but let the scientist be.

He had brought two desserts, after all.

John snickered at the display, but noticed that Teyla had mostly ignored the exchange and stared into her cup of tea. He elbowed her lightly and waited until she looked at him.

"Everything okay?"

Telya bit her lip and cast a glance at Rodney. "I was just thinking... maybe we should at least consider Ronon's idea."

The runner stopped eating and raised an eyebrow at her while Rodney just gaped with something akin to betrayal in his eyes. "What?"

She quickly shook her head. "Not the part with the brig. But maybe we could lock you into your quarters. Just for the night, of course. Would that be possible?"

Rodney looked less than thrilled about the idea. "Of course it's possible. I would just have to change the access code or install some kind of alarm system. But it's not gonna work."

"But I thought you said-"

The scientist waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. I know what I said. It's possible but it's not gonna work okay? My subconscious mind would know what I changed or installed and just bypass it. Trust me, I already asked Carson."

The other three looked at each other in surprise. "You already thought of that?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Of course I did. Genius here, remember? But he told me that it would do me no good. Sleepwalkers aren't really unconscious. They remember and recognize things. Ergo, I would also remember what I did to my door and just undo it. That's why sleepwalkers don't hide their own keys but let others do it for them."

Sheppard leaned back and stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. "And what if you let someone else do it for you?"

"Yeah, and who would that be?" Rodney sneered. "You maybe?"

"No," John drawled and glared at him, "I was more thinking along the lines of Zelenka."

Rodney had already admitted a few times that Radek was pretty smart and if Rodney thought that you were 'pretty smart' you had to be a genius. Not like the head scientist himself, mind you, but John was convinced that it would be enough for a dazed and half asleep Rodney. Problem was his friend didn't seem to like his suggestion. Not one bit.

"Did those tons of hair gel get to your brain after all? I'm not going to tell my second in command that I'm sleepwalking and ask him to invent some kind of child safety lock for my quarters."

Teyla reached over and patted his hand. "Maybe you don't have to tell him the whole story, Rodney. Tell him it is an experiment or something else that he will find believable."

Rodney allowed the contact but shook his head nonetheless. "Even if that would work, I'm not going to let one of my colleagues lock me into my room. Ever heard of claustrophobia?"

"Well Rodney, I guess we're going to be bunkmates then. Either that, or you forget that big ego of yours for a moment and bring yourself to ask Zelenka for a little help. But I have to tell you that I get up pretty early. All that hair needs a lot of care to look like it does during the day."

Sheppard held Rodney's gaze and hoped that the man wouldn't see through his bluff. The Canadian got that calculating look in his eyes, the one that he always got when he had to decide between two evils. It felt like hours before Rodney angrily looked away and attacked the stolen pudding.

"Fine you win. Anything is better than watching you all morning trying to tame your hair. Geez, this sucks. Why can't Carson just give me some drugs?"

No one answered his question because Rodney already knew the answer. They all did.

The doctor couldn't just give him drugs without knowing what the cause for the sleepwalking was, whether it was only stress or something medical. Kate could probably help them right now but the psychologist wouldn't be back until next week.

Rodney took a bite from the pudding and scrunched his nose. "Man this is disgusting. I wonder when we'll get the nice stuff again."

"We'll get muffins tomorrow."

Rodney stared at Ronon in disbelief. "Really? How do you know these things all the time?"

The big man shrugged and dug into his own pudding without complaint. "I have my sources."

"Yeah well, wherever you heard it, I hope you're right." The scientist stared at the pudding on his spoon before he shoved it into his mouth. "I could so go for a muffin right now..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"Dr. Zelenka to Colonel Sheppard."_

John stopped running and watched how Ronon kept going. The Satedan didn't like to stop during their morning run and had no qualms about leaving his companion behind. John grimaced. Hopefully Dr. Z wouldn't take too long.

"Sheppard here. What can I do for you doc?"

John could hear how the Czech walked up and down while he talked. _"I was just wondering if you know where Rodney is. He's not here yet and he won't answer the radio."_

John furrowed his brows before a smug smile lit up his face. "Did you remember to unlock his door this morning?"

There was a beat of silence before a very amused voice answered, _"Of course Colonel. I already deactivated the alarm system. He should be able to open the door on his own now. What's up with that anyway? Rodney's explanation was very... unsatisfactory."_

John decided to ignore the last question.

"I'm sure he just overslept. He's had a few rough days." _'And nights' _he added in his head.

_"I know." _A sigh. _"I can't leave. We're in middle of an experiment. Could you...maybe...?"_

John rubbed his head and turned towards the corridor, watching how the form of Ronon became smaller and smaller. He would never be able to catch up with the runner now...

"Yeah sure Dr. Z. Why not."

_"Thank you Colonel. Zelenka out."_

"You're welcome." John muttered and jogged towards Rodney's quarters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

John had chimed the door for a few minutes before he decided to just open the damn thing and drag the scientist out of his bed himself. Months ago, Rodney had given the team and Carson the access code for his quarters in case of an emergency. Maybe this wasn't exactly the kind of emergency Rodney had had in mind, but John had no qualms about using it now.

The doors swished open to reveal an empty room. Sheppard entered cautiously and took a look around.

The floor was littered with clothes and old coffee cups. John had always wondered how such a brilliant mind could be so messy. The bed looked used (although it probably always looked like that) and the radio lay forgotten and useless on the nightstand. One day, John swore, he would superglue it to the scientist.

Everything John had expected to see upon entering Rodney's quarters was there. Except Rodney himself, that is.

He was about to leave when he heard it, a strange noise coming from the bathroom. The door was closed so the sounds were muted but after a few seconds of listening John realized that he knew that sound; although he usually connected it with long nights and wild parties.

It was the sound of someone hanging over the toilet and desperately trying to keep his lunch down.

He walked over to the door and knocked lightly.

"Hey buddy. Are you alright?"

A strained voice yelled back, surprisingly strong. "Do I sound like I'm alright?"

"Sounds to me like you had a beer or two too many."

"Funny, aren't we Colonel? Because I make a habit of drinking my ass off every chance I get!"

Sheppard smirked in response, too late realizing that Rodney couldn't see him. "Can you walk or should I call Carson?"

Rodney thought about that for a while. "Call him! I don't want to hurl all over Atlantis' corridors. And who knows what kind of disease I really have. Probably some kind of alien bug... Call him and tell him that I'm practically dying here and that he should hurry up!"

John thought that Rodney sounded surprisingly good for a man that was dying but said nothing and radioed Carson.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"God I feel awful. What's wrong with me?"

Shortly after Carson had arrived, the doctor had been able to coax the scientist out of the bathroom to examine him more thoroughly. Rodney was a little green around the gills and a few times he looked like he wanted to dash back into the bathroom but he always managed to keep it down in the end, much to John and Carson's relief.

"So, ye tried to lock ye door with Radek's help? Did it work?"

Rodney didn't look at them. "I fell asleep in my own bed and I woke up in my own bed so I guess it worked just fine."

"And Dr. Z didn't mention anything about missing tools when I spoke to him." John added.

"I see." Carson said and a wide, wicked grin stretched his face while he took Rodney's readings. The behaviour of the good doctor was alarming to say the least. "I'm afraid I 'ave to disappoint ye, Rodney."

The Canadian squirmed uneasily. "What is it? Am I dying? Oh my god, I always knew I would die of something random like an intergalactic flu!"

Carson rummaged through his pockets and revealed a bottle with little white pills. "Ye won't die, ye old bugger. Take one of these. They'll settle ye stomach."

Rodney swallowed the white pill eagerly and John raised an eyebrow at the Scotsman. "What's wrong with him?"

Beckett chuckled lightly. "Oh he's just eaten too much. A simple case of an overfilled stomach."

John's eyes widened while Rodney spluttered. "What? Look, I know that my appetite is more pronounced than others due to my medical condition, but I don't eat until I get sick. Get me a real doctor that can tell me what's really wrong with me!"

Instead of getting angry, the wicked smile came back. Carson seemed to have a hard time keeping his laughter in check. "Before the Colonel called me I was in the mess hall and wanted to get one of those muffins they promised yesterday. They were already out and when I asked one of the staff how that could be possible he told me that they'd had two plates yesterday but that one of them was gone this morning."

Rodney furrowed his brow, not really getting it, but John's eyes lit up with understanding. He doubled over in laughter, not even trying to hold it back. It was just too damn funny.

Rodney looked at him like he was crazy before he stared at Carson. "What does that have to do with me?"

John gasped for breath and braced himself against the wall. "You raided the kitchen Rodney! You are a sleepwalking muffin thief." His laughter died down to a snicker. "Who knows how many you've eaten. No wonder you're sick."

The green tinge of his skin changed to a deep red when Rodney finally got what they were implying. "That's not true. Radek's alarm system was still active when I woke up this morning!"

"I'm afraid ye hacked it and deactivated it. And when ye came back ye reactivated it. It's actually not that unbelievable. It is known that some people are even able to drive a car during their sleepwalking episode."

Sheppard still snickered into his fist. "Well, you _did_ say that you could go for a muffin..."

If looks could kill, John Sheppard would have dropped dead that very moment. "I don't think it's funny, Colonel! There could have been lemon in those muffins!"

Sheppard sobered a little bit but the smile was still there. "Don't worry Rodney. They don't serve desserts with lemon anymore after you almost strangled one of the staff last year, remember?"

Rodney did remember and felt not the least bit bad about it. That stupid moron had almost killed him with that pie.

John and Carson were still grinning and since he felt much better now that he'd taken something for the nausea, he decided to go to the labs and give Radek a piece of his mind. He grabbed his radio and strode towards the door.

"Well, if you're done laughing now, I have work to do." John wanted to placate his friend, realizing that this must be harder on the scientist than he'd thought, but Rodney was already out of the door. The last thing he saw before the door closed was how Rodney tapped his radio and the last thing he heard was a sarcastic snarl.

"Hey Radek, guess what?! Even in my sleep I'm smarter than you..."

TBC

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**A/N:**

Attempt to cure Rodney #1: FAILED :)

'Rodney raiding the kitchen' was an idea from my beta. :) Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think! Next time it's Ronon's turn. Let's just say this: Rodney won't like it. :)


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:** Nothings mine, just playing with them._

_**A/N:** Hey...uhm, still know me? *dodges rotten tomatoes* Well, I guess I deserve that. I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry this took so long. I had serious trouble with this story and an even more serious lack of ideas. But I'm back and I decided to stay until this baby is finished. Chapter 05 is almost done and I'm mentally already writing chapter 06. Everyone who is still sticking with me and who reviewed gets a big, enourmous THANK YOU!!!_

_This chapter was **beta'd** by the wonderful **everg8er23**! Thanks a lot. All remaining mistakes are my own._

_Random note: The actor of Ronon is going to play Conan in the remake of 'Conan the Barbarian'! How freaking hilarious and awesome is THAT, huh?!_

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Chapter 04

Rodney didn't. Like this. He didn't like this. One. _Bit_!

"Why is it again that you think beating the snot out of me is going to help with my little problem?" he asked while he warily watched the mountain of a man in front of him.

Ronon merely raised an eyebrow and continued to circle him. Rodney swallowed uneasily and tried his best to keep the Satedan in front of him which wasn't easy since the constant circling was beginning to make him dizzy. The only good thing Rodney could think of was that the gym was empty except for him and Ronon. God knows what his colleagues would think if they walked in on them, two grown men, facing each other with white flags sticking out of the back of their pants.

It wasn't the first time that Ronon had managed to persuade him into playing a game of 'flag football' without the actual football. And each time, Rodney had to wonder why he was always giving in, since he hated this game almost as much as lemon pie. Even in school he hadn't been a fan and not only because the older boys (because there are always older boys if you are a genius and skipping grades) seemed to target him more often than not.

Since Sheppard had explained the game to Ronon, the runner had constantly bugged Rodney about the training aspect of the game. How, while the rules were quite simple, it would still manage to improve his agility, speed, and logical thinking during battle. Rodney thought that it was rubbish, but at least it was better than fighting the warrior with little sticks, especially since he tended to injure himself more often than he managed to hit Ronon.

That didn't mean he had to like it though.

"The doctor said that you are probably just not tired enough. We're gonna change that."

Rodney couldn't help but snort at that. "Okay Conan, you seem to mistake sleep with unconsciousness, because I gotta tell you I'm ready to pass out on the spot. And my bruises are sporting bruises, so please can we just stop?! I have work to do. Important work and I'm not trusting those imbeciles-"

Ronon used his rant and momentary lack of attention to attack and swiftly swept him off his feet with a move that was too fast for the human eye. Rodney hit the floor with a yelp, but didn't try to get up once Ronon stepped away from him.

It seemed like Ronon had really managed to tire him out, because the floor suddenly seemed very comfortable. It would be hell on his back, but maybe he could just close his eyes for a few minutes and snore away the rest of this sparring session of doom.

Before he could go through with that plan however, Ronon stepped forward and waggled the stolen flag in front of his face. Rodney only scowled up at him. Was that man smirking down at him? How dare he!

"This isn't funny, you know?"

Ronon shrugged. "No, it's not. We really need to work on your attention span during battle."

"What battle?" Rodney snapped as he got to his feet. He grimaced when his knees cracked a little bit too loud. He was getting too old for this.

Ronon wordlessly handed him his flag back and Rodney muttered insults under his breath while he stuffed it back into his waistband. On the one hand he was grateful for the time that Ronon took to help him, but did it have to be this painful?

"Come on McKay. Next round."

Rodney just sighed and resigned himself to his fate. It would be fruitless to try and run. As big as the Satedan was, he was also incredibly fast and Rodney was sure that he wouldn't even make it to the door. He was just really, really glad that neither Sheppard, nor Teyla were there to witness his humiliation. That would be just the last stra-

"Hey McKay. Mind if we watch?"

Rodney didn't turn around to see who "we" were. He knew exactly who he would see. If he believed in crap like that, he might have thought that he'd actually jinxed himself.

While the scientist muttered under his breath, Ronon turned to their newest guests. "How about you join in? We could-"

Sheppard plunged onto the bench and stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Nah. Thanks but it's funnier just watching." He grinned at Rodney's back who was still refusing to look at them. "What's the score?"

Teyla took a seat beside him and regarded the scientist's rumpled and sweaty appearance with a raised eyebrow and amused twitch of her lips. "I think we know the answer to that John."

Finally Rodney swirled around with a thunderous expression on his flushed face. "And what's that suppose to mean?"

Teyla seemed contrite but the twinkle in her eyes belied that. "I didn't mean anything by that, Rodney. I was just thinking that you were never as, well... dedicated to this game as Ronon."

Rodney blinked owlishly and Sheppard couldn't resist putting in his two cents. "She's saying _'You suck'_ in 'Friendly'."

The Canadian spluttered, the blue vein on his forehead throbbing dangerously, while Teyla turned surprised eyes on the Colonel. "I did not know that there was a language called 'Friendly'."

"There is no language called 'Friendly'!" Rodney screeched. "But I guess there is a language called 'Rude' and only Sheppard masters it."

Sheppard's indignant 'Hey!' was drowned out by Rodney's startled scream as Ronon once again swept him of his feet. The Satedan frowned at the newly acquired flag in his hand before he redirected his gaze to the dazed man on the floor.

"What language would _'Pay attention already'_ be, McKay?"

The scientist scrambled to his feet with a grimace on his face. "Wasn't my fault." He pointed a finger at the two grinning onlookers. "They distracted me. And stop grinning like that. This isn't even a real battle simulation or anything. He's only able to beat me because he knows I'm coming."

Sheppard had a hard time keeping his laughter in check. "So what? You're trying to tell me that you could beat him in a real battle?"

Rodney was on the verge of saying 'No of course not' since; Hello? Wraith slayer and mountain of a man! But then he saw Ronon's smug grin and his pride got in the way.

"Sure, why not. Fighting is all about surprise attacks. If the enemy knows you are coming there is hardly the chance for that, is there?"

His three teammates exchanged amused little glances that Rodney didn't miss before the Satedan tossed him his flag back. "Yeah sure, whatever. Let's continue."

Rodney was about to protest but Sheppard beat him to it. "Do what he says, Rodney. You still need to loose all those muffins."

Laughter followed and Rodney thought once again how much he didn't like this.

He didn't. Like this. One. _Bit_!

* * *

Night came all too soon and Ronon was on his way to the kitchen for his midnight snack before he went to check on Rodney. They had all decided that it made no sense locking him in if the scientist could just free himself, even in his sleep. It had seemed much more promising to make a schedule and have a look from time to time. Even Elizabeth and Carson had volunteered to help. Nobody had said anything to Rodney though, because they all could just imagine what the obnoxious man would have to say about that.

Ronon didn't mind the new responsibility all that much. He had needed little sleep all his life and even less since he'd become a runner. Now, with his own bed in his own room, he could sleep as much and as long as he wanted but it was hard to break habits, especially if those habits once saved your life.

No, Ronon really didn't mind getting up and making a little detour to the scientist's quarters once in a while. He was just convinced that it was unnecessary now that he'd taken care of the problem. The doctor had said that he was probably sleep-walking because he wasn't tired enough. Well, Ronon had taken care of that, hadn't he? Rodney had barely been able to walk out of the gym on his own two feet and Sheppard had told him that the man had been asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

Ronon would have patted himself on his back for his accomplishments if he'd known what that meant.

Rodney wouldn't be sleepwalking anymore. Tiring him out to the point of exhaustion was certainly not a solution for the long term, but it would work for now. And maybe it would also have a positive effect on Rodney's fighting skills. God knew the man needed it.

A sound behind him had him stopping and whirling around, his hand resting on his blaster. His eyes searched the dark corridor for any movements but saw none. He stayed still and even held his breath as he listened for any more suspicious sounds. When minutes passed in total silence he relaxed ever so slightly although he still stayed wary as he withdrew his hand from his weapon. Atlantis was a safe place most of the time but he'd heard too many stories of black shadows and other nasties to let his guard down completely… especially because he suddenly had the feeling that he was being watched.

The darkness surrounding him seemed to taunt him and he snarled at it as if it was something alive that he could scare away. The silence had become eerie since he'd stopped walking and the warrior wondered if he hadn't imagined everything.

He turned away from where he'd heard the sound and thought, _'Maybe it was one of those Atlantean rats McKay was talking about.'_

He barely had time to smirk about that, before something heavy slammed into his back.

Ronon was a strongly built man, but whatever had collided with him, had done so with so much velocity and strength that he crashed to the ground. His jaw hit the floor first and he shook his head to dislodge the stars dancing in front of his eyes. He took a second to feel the arms wrapped around his waist before he dislodged the weight on his back enough to turn around and raise his elbow to ram it into his assailant's face. Doing so, he caught a glimpse of his attacker and only his training allowed him to stop in time before his elbow did serious damage.

Because his attacker was none other than Dr. Rodney McKay.

Rodney's eyes were squeezed shut and his arms started to become lax, allowing Ronon even more room to free himself from the strange embrace. He noticed that Rodney was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts but no shoes.

_'That's why I didn't hear him.'_

Ronon had to strain his neck to look over his shoulder, but for some reason he didn't want to just push the man off him by force.

"McKay." he hissed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Rodney opened bleary eyes for just a second before he closed them again. He mumbled something against the Satedan's back that sounded like 'Surprise attack' before his body went slack and soft snoring filled the silence.

Ronon still lay there on his stomach with a once again fully sleeping scientist attached to his back as if he was a big teddy bear when Teyla's voice filtered through his radio.

"_Ronon, I think we have a problem. I am at Rodney's quarters and he is-"_

"Not there, I know." Ronon grumbled and began to carefully lift himself off the floor without loosing his awkward grip on the scientist.

There were a few beats of silence. "_You found him."_

It wasn't a question but Ronon answered anyway. "You could say we bumped into each other. Wait there for me and call Sheppard." He shut his radio off and began to maneuver his teammate until the man was draped over his shoulder. Rodney didn't even stir once, but Ronon wasn't really surprised. Someone who didn't even wake from slamming into someone's back, certainly wouldn't wake from being carried around a bit.

When Ronon began to walk towards Rodney's quarters and rubbed his aching jaw, he couldn't help the little proud smile that crept onto his lips.

This wasn't a technique he would have recommended during a real fight, but it certainly had been a surprise.

In more ways than one.

TBC

* * *

_**A/N:** Short, but the next chapter promises to be longer. _

_Do I get any reviews? Even if just to tell me how much I suck for making you wait? *puppy eyes*_

_"...."_

_*dodges rotten tomatoes yet again*_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Nothings mine

**A/N:** A pretty fast update. I hope that makes up for the long hiatus you had to suffer. Thanks a lot for all the reviews. I'm glad you are still enjoying this.

This chapter was beta'd by** everg8er23** who did an amazing and fast job on this! Thanks a lot!

* * *

Chapter 05

"I'm starting to worry, Carson." Elizabeth said while she stared into her cup of tea. "I mean, isn't it unusual for a grown man to suddenly start sleepwalking? And doing it every night?"

The Scottish doctor that stood by her desk didn't say anything for a while before he heaved a weary sigh. "I admit, I would have thought that he would have stopped by now. Adults rarely sleepwalk, and if they do, they usually don't do it every night."

But that's exactly what Rodney was doing and it was starting to become a serious problem. Admittedly, neither Elizabeth or Carson had been able to suppress their amusement when the Satedan had told them about last night and Rodney's sneak attack. They had, however, agreed to not tell Rodney about the whole thing. The man would be insufferable if he knew that he'd actually taken Ronon down in his sleep and never attend a sparring session ever again.

Team Sheppard minus Rodney - who still thought he'd just harmlessly wandered the corridors last night - had left her office just a few minutes earlier after a lengthy discussion about the situation. The meeting had been fairly relaxed and laid back since it hadn't been an official briefing, but Elizabeth hadn't missed the concerned little glances Team Sheppard had shot each other from time to time. She was fairly certain that their tension had nothing to do with the fact that they were practically benched for the time being because of Rodney's condition. Sure, they all wanted to go off world sooner rather than later but the well-being of their friend was more important. The expedition leader had always admired SGA-1's loyalty and could only hope that the other teams would learn something by watching them.

While the others had filed out however, Elizabeth had asked Carson to stay a little bit longer. Even though Teyla had promised to work with Rodney on a few meditation techniques, she couldn't help but wonder about other methods of treatment.

"Carson, what about drugs?" she asked and closely watched his reactions. "I mean, I know that you said you didn't want to give him anything before you knew what the problem was, but there has to be something that you could try without harming him."

Carson began to pace from one end of the room to another and didn't look her way. "Of course there is. In some cases even a Valium every evening before going to bed can stop the sleepwalking." He stopped and looked through the window into the gate-room below. Elizabeth followed his gaze and spotted the subject of their discussion working on the Stargate surrounded by a group of scientist's. Watching Rodney tinker with the equipment and snapping at his colleagues, it was hard to believe that he hadn't had a good nights sleep the last couple of weeks. But on the other hand, Rodney had always needed much less sleep than a normal human being.

"I really don't want to give him drugs just yet." Carson continued after watching Rodney for a while. "It's really the last thing I want to try, 'Lisbeth."

Elizabeth was actually glad to hear that. She had only mentioned it because it was her obligation as the leader and because she was afraid that Carson's friendship with McKay was preventing him from making unpleasant but necessary decisions.

But just the thought of a drugged Rodney was filling her with dread. The incident with the Wraith-enzyme was still fresh in her mind and by the troubled look on Carson's face, she knew that he felt the same. No, if there was a way to resolve this without drugs, she was all set for it.

Carson suddenly began to chuckle and Elizabeth moved to stand beside him to see what had amused him. One little glance and she immediately joined his laughter, her worries momentarily forgotten.

Teyla had just entered the gate-room like a whirlwind and was already dragging Rodney with her, much to his chagrin. The scientist was waving his arms between her and his work and the scowl on his face forced some of the other scientists to back away, even though for once it wasn't even directed at them. But Teyla just smiled in that 'I know what's best for you so you better do as I say' way and otherwise ignored his grumbling and whining.

Elizabeth could have told McKay that his attempts to escape would prove to be pretty much pointless. The young woman had been very adamant about her idea when they'd all discussed their next step. Since the scientific and physical approaches obviously hadn't worked, Teyla was convinced that Rodney's problem was a matter of inner peace – or rather the lack thereof.

Sheppard and Ronon had laughed at the idea of a meditating Rodney, especially John who'd had his own experiences with that from the whole ascension dilemma. But Teyla was determined to teach Rodney the ways of relaxation and peace.

Even if she had to drag him there, kicking and screaming.

* * *

"I really don't see how this is supposed to help me."

Teyla barely suppressed a sigh as she lit the remaining candles. Her quarters were now bathed in the light of many little flames, giving each and every surface in the room a soft glow. To the Athosian it always felt as if the place was cut off from the outside world. Her personal haven of peace and silence.

"Hel-lo? I'm speaking to you, it's rude to ignore someone when they are speaking to you, you know?!"

But today? Not so much.

Teyla finally turned towards Rodney who was already sitting on the floor, although it was hard to miss how uncomfortable he was that way.

The scientist had been very vocal about his dislike regarding her idea, but she hadn't given him much choice in the matter.

Until Rodney had begun to suffer from that condition, Teyla hadn't even known that something like sleepwalking existed. None of her people had ever experienced anything like that and none of the travelers that had visited her folk had mentioned anything similar either. She'd asked Dr. Beckett about it and he'd told her that the inhabitants of the Pegasus Galaxy apparently had a slightly altered central nervous system than them. She'd almost asked what that meant, but then she'd seen the gleam in his eyes and knew that she would spent hours in the infirmary listening to his explanations if she got him started on the topic in the first place. She liked the doctor, but he was way too enthusiastic about all things medical.

"I am not ignoring you Rodney." she said and lowered herself on the floor in front of him.

Rodney snorted and stared at her with badly veiled distrust. Any other woman might have already lost patience, but Teyla wasn't any other woman. She was Rodney's teammate and friend and she could see how nervous and skittish he was since he'd found out that he was sleepwalking. And how could she blame him? The aspect of not having control over your body or your actions was truly frightening, even to herself. No matter how much Rodney would try to push her away, she was determined to help him through this crisis, so she just folded her legs under her and stared at him until he looked away first.

"Fine. But could we speed this up a little? I have work to do."

Teyla allowed herself a little smile at the petulant tone. "Meditation is not ruled by time, Rodney. It will take as long as it will take." Before he could protest, she quickly continued. "Now please, try to copy my position. Your legs need to be folded under you and your back has to be straight, like mine."

McKay didn't even try to do as he was told. If nothing else, he slumped even more. "That's the Sheppard thing all over again." When the Athosian merely raised a questioning eyebrow, he added. "When Sheppard did that whole meditation thing with me, I told him that I couldn't relax that way. It's uncomfortable."

"Then please, by all means, find a position that is comfortable for you." she said and unknowingly almost exactly repeated the same words John had used a few weeks earlier.

She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of rustling clothes. When everything was silent she peeked through her eyelashes and saw Rodney lying on his back in front of her. His eyes were closed and there was a content little smile on his lips. That was a very peculiar position for meditation but she was willing to let that fact slide if it got her the required results.

"Okay." she breathed. "Now try to clear your mind. Let your troubles and worries flow through your body and expel them with every new breath you take until your soul weighs nothing and soars into the sky."

Teyla paused because she could practically _hear_ Rodney's frown.

"'Until my soul weighs nothing and soars into the sky?' How is that even possible? I have to tell you that there are no scientific findings that prove that there even is something like a soul. And even if there was, wouldn't it be weightless already? Being immaterial and all? Okay admittedly, Duncan MacDougall claimed to have discovered that the soul weights 21 gram but Harry LaVerne Twining disproved that theory again so I really-"

"I have meant it figuratively, Rodney."

"Oh. Well, that's a little odd isn't it? Sheppard never said anything about souls..."

Teyla felt the urgent need to rub the bridge of her nose but she'd already taken her position and never in her life had she moved after she'd done that. Once you started meditating you stayed that way until you were done. She wasn't done yet and so she wouldn't move. Not even an obnoxious and annoying know-it-all would change that.

"Colonel Sheppard does not have the experience I do." she answered diplomatically.

Rodney grinned up at her and wasn't it weird that she felt _that_ too?

"Did you just say _'Sheppard sucks'_ in 'Friendly'?

Teyla's lips twitched. "I guess I did."

Rodney snickered, probably already imagining Sheppard's expression when he told the man about that. The Athosian let him be for a few seconds before she attempted to get back on track.

"Now, please Rodney, try to concentrate. I just meant that you need to clear your mind. Relax and find your inner peace."

"Clear my mind." He huffed. "That's kinda hard with such an incredible mind like mine."

"I am sure it is." Teyla suddenly noticed that she'd clenched her hands into fists and forcibly relaxed them. "Why don't you try to think about something you like instead. I believe for your people that is another acceptable form of meditation, am I right?"

"I wouldn't know, would I?" Rodney said but he sounded almost distracted so she peeked through her eyelashes once more. The Canadian was still on his back but his right hand seemed to be curled around something invisible and the fingers of the left hand moved as if they scratched the air. Teyla blinked confused and watched the odd movements for a while before she couldn't contain her curiosity any longer.

"What are you thinking about?"

Rodney's eyes were still closed and his fingers never stopped moving. "My cat. He used to lie on my belly when I rested like this."

Teyla once again regarded the scratching fingers. It wasn't hard to imagine the little fur-ball she'd seen on photos curled up right there, purring at its owner's attention. Neither Ronon nor Sheppard had ever understood why Rodney missed his cat so much but Teyla could relate. She'd left loved one's behind as well. And even if it was just a cat, Teyla never doubted that it had been very much loved by McKay. Even now, the man didn't even seem to be aware of what his fingers were doing.

"And thinking about that brings you peace." She stated.

A grimace marred his otherwise calm expression. "Well, it's better than Ferris wheels."

Teyla didn't quite get it but suspected that it was one of those earth idioms and just shrugged it off. "If it helps you, then that is what you should do. Now, please let us try again, shall we? Your worries and troubles slip your mind. Your soul is as light as a feather and soars into the air-"

"Excuse me but I really have a problem with that."

Teyla took a really, really deep breath.

"I mean 'Soar into the sky'? Doesn't that sound kinda final? I don't want to die, you know, but it kinda sounds like you are literally making a wish here... Oh wait a second, do you want me dead? What did I do, forget your birthday? And isn't it a bad idea to kill the only person who's able to save us when the Wraith attack? You can't seriously rely on Zelenka. I mean he's not quite as dumb as the others but-"

* * *

Half an hour later, Rodney left Teyla's quarters, feeling a lot more relaxed.

Not even five minutes later a haggard Athosian followed, twirling her sticks between her fingers and making her way towards the gym.

Those who were unfortunate enough to _be_ in the gym, would, even years later, cringe in fear if someone as much as mentioned her name in their presence.

It certainly hadn't been a good day for Teyla Emmagan.

And it was about to get even worse, although she wouldn't know about that until the next morning.

* * *

John Sheppard stood in front of McKay's quarters and pressed his ear to the door, listening for any sounds. He was still chuckling with mirth when he remembered the event some of the marines had already dubbed "Teyla's chainsaw massacre". There had been no chainsaw of course, but maybe that would have done less damage than an exasperated Athosian and her wooden sticks.

Sheppard didn't know whether he should scold Rodney for aggravating the calm woman like that, or whether he should pat his back and thank him for the show. It had certainly been a blast, watching Teyla fight this afternoon. And it had been outright hilarious to see the horror on the Newbies' faces when they'd realized that the slim woman fought like a demon.

Oh yeah, he should probably thank Rodney.

It certainly had been a good day for John Sheppard.

At least, it had been until now. Because now, way past midnight, he was still pressing his ear to a door, looking like a school boy eavesdropping on his parents. But instead of trying to hear if Daddy and Mommy had heard about his bad grades yet, he listened for the sound of light snoring. Since they'd taken turns to check up on Rodney, John had opted to listen to the familiar sounds instead of just barging in and disturbing the man's privacy. The last few times it had worked rather well, but now he couldn't hear a thing. Either Rodney was especially quiet tonight, or he wasn't even in his quarters anymore. But either way, John would have to check to be absolutely sure.

With a pained sigh he opened the doors and hoped that he wouldn't wake the scientist should he be still sleeping. He had no idea what he would say or do if Rodney suddenly stared at him with big angry eyes.

The Colonel didn't waste any time and immediately looked towards the bed.

The very empty bed.

John barely suppressed a groan and was just about to turn around and search for his wayward friend when a draft of cold air met his skin causing him to shiver. His eyes found the open door leading to the balcony and when Carson and Elizabeth asked him later, he wouldn't be able to explain why he suddenly felt a wave of dread wash over him. He just knew that the open door and the billowing curtains looked much more threatening than they should have. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was on the balcony, staring at the scene in front of him with a wildly beating heart and eyes wide with terror.

There was Rodney, his best friend and team mate, a blissful smile on his face and staring into the night sky with his arms stretched out as if he wanted to embrace the world. It would have been a nice picture of peace and relaxation, if it hadn't been for the fact that the man was also balancing on the railing, dangerously swaying from side to side. Rodney was barefoot as usual, giving him a better footing, and Sheppard had the sick feeling that that was the only reason why the man hadn't already plunged into the sea. Into a horrible death...

John's mouth was dry and for the first time in his life he was too afraid to speak or even move. He had the feeling that the slightest movement could startle his friend badly enough to loose his precarious balance.

But he also knew that he couldn't do nothing. It was a miracle that Rodney hadn't already fallen and John wasn't about to rely on that miracle any longer.

"Hey buddy. What are you doing?" He kept his voice low and soft but it still felt unnaturally loud and he winced when Rodney spun around at the sound. One of his feet dangled over the edge for a second and only when it returned to the balustrade did John dare to breath again.

Rodney's eyes were distant but at least he more or less looked in Sheppard's direction. "Huh?"

John swallowed and took a few tiny steps closer. He needed to be as close as possible in case he had to move quickly.

"I was wondering what you were doing up there Rodney."

McKay's expression brightened and he stared at the sky again. "Oh m' soul is soaring. Dontcha see? High, high, high, up in the sky."

John dutifully followed his gaze and nodded as if he had any idea what the hell Rodney was talking about. "Yeah, it's great. But don't you think it's time to go back in?"

He inched closer while he waited for an answer. At first it seemed as if Rodney hadn't heard him but then he suddenly slumped and John's heart jumped into his throat. But Rodney didn't fall, just turned towards his friend and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. It's not soaring anymore."

The scientist sounded so sad that John almost apologized for interrupting this little 'whatever-it-was' but instead offered the sleeping man his hand to help him down. "It's probably just tired. Let's get you two back to bed."

Rodney took his hand without hesitation and just when John was thinking that everything would be alright, blue eyes rolled back and fluttered shut. It took Sheppard a split second to realize that Rodney had fallen asleep and even less time to register that he was falling in the wrong direction. With a mighty yank on the arm he held captured he managed to pull Rodney towards him and just barely managed to soften his fall before he made a painful connection with the hard floor.

_'But hell'_ Sheppard thought,_ 'the hard floor is way better than the cold ocean, isn't it?'_

Much like Ronon the night before, Sheppard sat awkwardly on the floor, a snoring Rodney sprawled over his legs, and tried to catch his breath. The momentum of his earlier maneuver had made him stumble over his own two feet. There was a dull throb in his backside, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to care. His heart was still pounding in his ears and he was still seeing Rodney balancing on the balustrade.

But even worse, he could also see what would have happened if he'd gotten here just a few minutes later. Could see it in every horrifying detail. And he doubted that he would forget those images anytime soon.

He ran a hand through his messy hair and decidedly ignored the way it was shaking.

"This isn't funny anymore."

TBC

**

* * *

**

A/N

Well I did warn you about the teeny tiny bit of Rodney whump/angst that was yet to come. Hope you liked it. Either way, let me know. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Nothings mine, just the naughty humour.

**A/N:** Thanks for your reviews. This chapter was so much fun to write, you'll see why. Thanks to my beta **everg8er23** who did a great job on this as always.

On with the chapter, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 06

Miko Kusanagi was a very happy little scientist as she approached Rodney McKay's quarters. She almost felt like whistling a little song and she would have done just that if she'd ever mastered that skill. For a moment she wondered if Dr. McKay would teach her – the sharp whistles he used to gain someone's attention were truly impressive – but discarded that idea almost immediately.

Dr. Rodney McKay was too busy and important to teach her something as mundane as that. Miko knew that, since she spent most of her time watching him work. It always amazed her to see that brilliant man on the job and she felt she could only bow before his incredible mind and keen wit. The Japanese woman was aware of the fact that most of her colleagues didn't share her admiration for their superior, but she really couldn't care less. It was their fault for not recognizing a genius when they saw one and it always amused her when Dr. McKay saved them from certain doom yet again and she got to see the grudging respect in their eyes.

Rodney McKay was a man that deserved all the respect in the world and she had never felt anything more than respect for him.

Oh well, maybe she also had a teeny, tiny crush on the Canadian.

_'But how could I not' _she thought as she finally reached her destination. _'That man is brilliant and funny and he's courageous. And let's face it, he's pretty easy on the eyes as well...'_

Miko felt her face grow hot and decided to wait a few seconds before she knocked on McKay's door. No need to embarrass herself more than she already did on a daily basis.

She clutched the data-pads tightly to her chest and took at least a dozen deep breaths to calm her wildly beating heart. When Dr. McKay had radioed her and asked her to bring him some of his projects to his quarters she had been elated. This would be the first time she got to see his quarters, the place where he slept when he wasn't pulling an all-nighter in the labs. The thought excited her, although it made her feel like a teenager.

But despite all that she was also quite concerned for her boss. He'd told her that he wouldn't come to the labs today because he wasn't feeling well. Miko thought that that was pretty unusual for the workaholic and figured that it had to be something pretty serious. The last few days had been stressful for everyone, but especially McKay seemed to be more tired and irritable than usual. Miko hadn't missed how the rest of Team Sheppard had hovered over the scientist almost constantly with worried eyes.

Her insides knotted at the thought that her beloved Dr. McKay could be seriously ill. She would have loved nothing more than to ask, but she knew that she didn't have the right to do that. Despite her efforts, Dr. McKay didn't consider her a good friend yet and therefore wouldn't confide in her.

The young scientist took another deep breath and decided that she had stalled long enough and lifted her free hand to knock. Before her knuckles touched the door though, she suddenly heard raised voices through the thick wall. One of them belonged to McKay, she knew that, but the other was a little bit harder to place. It took Miko a few moments to realize that it was John Sheppard she was hearing and she couldn't quite hide the little frown that crossed her face at that.

Miko liked the Colonel, he was always nice to her and had a smile for everyone, but she had kind of hoped to have a chance to be alone with Dr. McKay. It wasn't the first time that Colonel Sheppard's presence had been a thorn in her side and while the woman felt bad for the pang of jealousy, she couldn't help but wish the man wouldn't be around Rodney all the time.

Later, much later, she still wouldn't know what possessed her, but instead of knocking, Miko Kusanagi lowered her hand and ever so slightly pressed her ear to the door.

_'What are you doing?_' a part, the shy and insecure part of her, screeched. But another part of her, a part she didn't even know existed until then, answered calmly _'I'm eavesdropping, that's what I'm doing.'_

And later, much later, she would wish that she hadn't.

"Come on Rodney." she heard Sheppard say. "Don't be such a stubborn ass. It's a perfectly fine option."

"Forget it! Forgetitforgetitforgetit!" McKay sounded positively livid and not sick at all. That calmed Miko, but it also confused her. "I will not let you do that to me. There's a better chance that Kavanaugh wins the Nobel Prize than me letting you do that. Forget it."

"What is your problem? I really think that it could help with our little... situation-"

"My problem? You're really not seeing the problem here? Did all that hair mousse seep into your brain after all? I will tell you one last time, so listen well. I will NOT let you HANDCUFF me to the BED!"

Miko felt like fainting and almost dropped the data-pads. Colonel Sheppard wanted to handcuff Dr. McKay to the bed? Why? How?

She held her breath and listened to the rest of the conversation in a daze. Not even a Wraith siege would have been able to get her away from that door now.

"But Rodney, we can't go on like this. We need to try something new. The old and traditional methods obviously don't work for you. And besides, it's not like it would be the first time for you to be tied up, right?"

"That's really not the point here. And the other things we tried were harmless compared to this. How the hell did you come up with that idea anyway?"

"I talked to Colonel Pierson. He and his wife had the same problem. He told me that after they tried the handcuffs everything got better. It really did improve their sleeping habits."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you told someone about that. Is nothing sacred anymore?"

"I didn't tell him your name, buddy. But think about it; with the handcuffs you wouldn't be able to move so much and it would make things so much easier. I wouldn't have to work quite that hard either."

"Oh, so now I'm too much work for you, huh? Then why don't you just get lost? I'm sure Carson would be equally eager to spend the night with me. He already offered his services, you know?"

Miko was hyperventilating by then. She felt dizzy and could almost feel the blood rushing to her head. Pictures assaulted her mind; pictures of Dr. McKay lying on the bed with handcuffs around his wrists and Colonel Sheppard leaning over him 'doing all the hard work' and 'offering his services'.

'Nononononono! Delete! Delete!' her mind screamed but instead they got more vivid and more detailed. And to her horror she realized that they weren't as repulsive to her as she thought they would be.

She stumbled backwards when she was hit by her own fantasies and the arousal they caused.

And it was a good thing she had, because not a second later the door swished open to reveal an angry looking Rodney who was trying to escape the grip of John Sheppard's hand around his arm.

"Let go!"

"No, not until you promise me that we will at least try it. We can use my handcuffs. Only I have the keys to them."

Miko couldn't suppress the groan that escaped her lips and she wished desperately that the ground would open up and shallow her whole when the sound alerted the two men in the doorway.

Rodney blushed and was finally able to yank his arm out of Sheppard's grip. The Colonel just raised one of his eyebrows and watched her over the scientist's head.

"Ah, Dr. Kusanagi." Rodney said and cleared his throat. "Did you bring what I asked for?"

Miko could only stare at the two men, her breathing still accelerated. Never in her life would she have thought that those two ...they were so different and... and...

"Dr. Kusanagi?" McKay asked and there was an ounce of impatience in his voice now. "The data-pads?"

She tore her gaze from her boss and briefly locked eyes with Sheppard. The Colonel wore that little half smile and that suddenly seemed to have lots of other meanings too.

"Yes, if you would excuse us Doctor. Rodney and I, we have something to, well, discuss."

And, oh god, but had he just winked at her?

Miko knew she had to get out of here or she would do or say something she would regret for the rest of her life. She stumbled a few steps back and would have almost turned and run if she hadn't remembered the data-pads in her arms.

"Ah, uhm, ye- yes Dr. McKay." she stuttered and shoved them into Rodney's arms with so much force that the man stumbled back right into Sheppard's chest. An embarrassing high squeak escaped her as she was assaulted by more naughty thoughts.

Not giving either man the chance to ask her if she was okay, Miko bolted and ran back to her quarters. She was expected in the labs, but there was no way she was leaving the safe haven of her four walls anytime soon. The rest of the day would be spent under the bedcover where she would try to forget this day ever happened.

She had to get those thoughts, those images out of her head. They were driving her crazy and she was positive that she would never be able to see the two men the way she did before. Right now Miko felt only a little pang of regret that she'd lost Rodney McKay before she'd even had him. Right now her own fantasy bothered her even more – leaving no room to think about anything else, really.

She had to get rid of them, fast. Suddenly the young Japanese woman had an idea. Her mother had once told her that it helped to write down whatever was bothering you. 'That's the reason why so many people keep a diary.' she'd always said.

Miko all but fell through the door and stormed to her desk. She quickly booted her laptop up and created a new file. After a moments thought, she decided to call it 'McShep' and set to work.

She promised herself that no one would ever read this. But then again, Dr. Karen always appreciated a good story... (1)

* * *

Rodney stared after the woman with an expression that fluctuated between exasperation and worry.

"What is going on with her? She was really red in the face. Maybe she's got a fever?"

Sheppard tried hard to suppress his laughter. He was pretty sure what was going on with the timid woman, but it would be funnier if Rodney realized it himself. Well, in case he ever did, which John actually doubted. The man hadn't even realized that the Japanese woman was madly in love with him although that was really hard to miss.

If anyone else had eavesdropped on them, he might have followed them and cleared up the misunderstanding. But Miko was harmless, she wouldn't spread rumors.

At least he hoped she wouldn't.

He thought about going after her after all, but Rodney was already rounding on him again.

"I can't believe you would even suggest something like that, you know. I mean, just because you're at your wits end, doesn't mean that I will spend the rest of my life sleeping with handcuffs."

Sheppard did a double take, Miko already forgotten. He liked McKay, he really did, but sometimes the man really was a piece of work. "I'm at my wits end? Excuse me, but did you actually have a decent idea since this whole mess started? I don't have to give up my sleep just because you are sleepwalking, you know?"

The moment the words left his mouth and he saw the hurt flash through McKay's eyes he knew that he should have kept his mouth shut. Okay, so they were all pretty exhausted but it wasn't like Rodney did it on purpose.

Last night had scared John more than he wanted to admit and a scared John was an irritated John who didn't know when to shut up. He needed to lash out at someone to get all that pent up energy out of his system, but that shouldn't be Rodney, especially not Rodney. The poor guy had turned as pale as a ghost when John had told him about his little adventure last night.

If he had his way, he wouldn't have told McKay anything about that, but it had soon become apparent that Rodney wasn't taking the situation seriously anymore. Because they hadn't told him about his encounter with Ronon, the scientist thought that he'd stopped sleepwalking, or that he'd at least stopped leaving the room. When Sheppard had suggested that Rodney should sleep a few days in the infirmary where he would be under observation, the Canadian had laughed about the joke that wasn't one and shrugged it off, saying he was fine. John had stuck to his guns, however, but Rodney had been the stubborn ass he always was and just before their conversation could turn into a full blown fight, John had spilled the beans. He'd told Rodney how he'd found him balancing on the balustrade and how the man had almost plunged to his early death. He'd told him everything; all the gut wrenching details that he was sure would haunt his nightmares for a long time. Everything, just so Rodney would understand how serious this was.

Rodney had understood. He'd understood so well, in fact, that he'd almost lost his breakfast. Sheppard had wanted to shock him and he'd succeeded, but the man still wouldn't sleep in the infirmary. Getting desperate, John had blurted something about handcuffs, which did nothing but send them into another heated argument.

And it wasn't over yet.

Rodney crossed his arms and glared at Sheppard. Everyone else might have missed the still lingering hurt in his eyes, but his best friend didn't. And suddenly John was just tired.

"Listen Rodney, I'm sorry alright? But it can't go on like this. Imagine what would have happened if I'd come just a few minutes later?" Rodney's eyebrow twitched and John pushed a bit harder. He had to get Rodney to agree to this, no matter what. "You would have died, that's what would have happened. And although you are annoying as hell most of the time, we really don't want to see that happen. We are really worried about you. Teyla especially."

Rodney had already opened his mouth to shout an indignant "Hey!" but at Sheppard's last words he snapped it shut and gave him a confused look.

"Teyla?"

Sheppard nodded. "She's blaming herself you know."

Rodney's eyebrows disappeared under his hairline and his blue eyes grew impossibly wide. "What? Why would she do that? That's crazy!"

John could only agree with that, but then again, he had never really understood women all that well. All he knew was that when he'd told Teyla and Ronon what had happened, the Athosian had gotten really pale and shaky, muttering that it was her fault and what a horrible friend she was.

"She thinks that her lesson about meditation influenced you. She says that, if she'd never told you about that, you would have never tried to send your soul soaring in the middle of the night at a height of 2000 feet."

The scientist blinked a few times before he turned around and walked down the corridor. John was taken aback by the abrupt turn of events and just stood there for a while before he decided that he should probably follow his friend. He caught up just in time to hear the last words of a monolog.

"-believe it. How ridiculous. Stupid, emotional woman. As if I'd ever really listened to that meditation rubbish she was talking about."

The Colonel hid a small smile when he realized that Rodney was on a mission. The 'Teyla is an idiot for thinking this is her fault and I'm going to tell her that, long and loud' mission. He already knew it of course, but despite himself it always surprised him anew to see that compassionate and caring side of Rodney.

Nonetheless he grabbed Rodney's arm and effectively stopped the man in his tracks.

The scientist turned to him with an exaggerated sigh, not even trying to free his captured limb. "What now, Colonel?"

"You know, Teyla was really upset."

"I know." Rodney punctuated each word, as if he was talking to a particularly slow child. "And as soon as you let go of me I'll fix that."

Sheppard didn't let go. Instead he said, "It was Teyla's idea that you should sleep in the infirmary for a while." That was a total lie of course, but Rodney didn't know that.

"And?" John didn't think anyone could manage to sound more wary than Rodney did right now.

"Well, instead of screaming at her, you could just do as she suggested, show her that you still trust her judgment." The Canadian didn't look anywhere near convinced so John added. "You know how Teyla is. She'll keep blaming herself, even if you tell her it isn't her fault. But when you do this she'll feel better, knowing that you're safe and everything. Don't you want to make her feel better Rodney? After everything she did to help you?"

John knew that he was playing the biggest guilt card that had ever been manufactured and by the look of utter disgust on Rodney's face the scientist knew it as well.

_Oh well_, he told himself._ Sometimes the end justifies the means._

* * *

_Especially if it works_, he added a few hours later when Rodney grudgingly slipped into one of the beds in the infirmary.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." McKay muttered while he adjusted the blanket. He sounded just as unhappy as he looked and John almost felt pity for the man.

Carson rolled his eyes for like the fifth time since Rodney had been dragged into the infirmary by his teammates. "Oh shut yer trap, Rodney. I'm the one who needs to watch ye snore the entire night. I still don't understand why it has to be me, by the way."

Rodney shot a look at a nurse that was standing on the other side of the room. "I don't trust those harpies. I'd rather have you make sure that I don't take a nose dive from the balcony."

Sheppard counted eye-roll number six, but the little pleased smile belied the doctor's apparent aggravation. "Whatever lad."

Teyla leaned over Rodney and put a hesitant hand on his shoulder. Even though Rodney had given in and agreed to the infirmary plan, he hadn't resisted the urge to give the woman the rant of her life. After five minutes of being told how wrong and stupid she was to believe that any of this was her fault, Teyla seemed to have accepted that no one blamed her, least of all Rodney, but she was still pretty tense in Rodney's presence.

"Thank you Rodney for agreeing to do this. I will feel better knowing that Dr. Beckett is near to watch you."

Rodney couldn't help but smile back at her and she drew him into an awkward hug. After a second of indecision he tentatively hugged her back and Sheppard saw the last tension leave her shoulders. With that a heavy weight lifted off his chest as well and he had to smile a little.

Ronon broke the silence with a lazy drawl.

"Yeah, never thought you would agree to Sheppard's plan."

Surprisingly enough, Rodney didn't break the hug, but he shot a look of pure hatred over Teyla's shoulder, mouthing words that Sheppard had no problem identifying.

'I will kill you.'

He sighed.

It was going to be a long night.

TBC

* * *

(1) And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the moment Atlantis discovered Slash. *snicker* No worries though, this story will continue to be strictly Gen till the end. I just really couldn't resist. I had this scene written in my head even before I started writing this story.

Sooo, what adventures should Rodney and Carson have? Any ideas? Then tell me.

Until next time!


End file.
